South Park Switcheroo!
by Keiko Murikami
Summary: Body-swapping; gender-switching; and OCs! Oh My! Please be kind, this is my first South Park fic. Rated for language and other things. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**South Park Switcheroo**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor will I ever own South Park.

It was a typical overcast day in South Park, Colorado. By that I'm indicating that there was snow on the ground (in July); citizens wearing winter jackets; and Cartman pissing people off. Nonetheless, with a day resembling this; something is bound to go wrong…._very wrong_. Ahem, with the warm, intense sun shimmering down on the town; the inhabitants were starting to awaken….Therefore; this is where we begin with the retard himself, Butters! (A/N: No offense to Butters' lovers!)

Vivid sunbeams were gleaming through the windowpane near Butters Stotch's bed. Golden-haired tresses spilled out on the pillow. "Ah! T-today is g-g-going to be g-great!!" Butters shouted. A booming voice, which belonged to Mr. Stephan Stotch, yelled deafeningly to Butters. "Be quiet Butters! I'm trying to slumber at this time, mongrel!" Butters jumped and hid underneath his bed, until a spider crawled up and sat on his head, After a few minutes of running around crying, (A/N: Pansy…) he noticed the spider was not harming him. He smiled and named the spider, Chauncey. "Y-you wanna pla-ay w-w-with me C-c-chauncey?" He asked foolishly. The spider sat there on its legs, weaving a web. "A-alright!" Butters whispered in delight. He didn't grasp the fact that the spider was toxic, and was presently weaving a nest for her offspring. Too bad for Butters, Poor, naive Butters….

Let's move on to Kyle Broflovski, the Jewish kid. His ginger curls were tangled and coarse, as he snored beneath the covers. His alarm abruptly went off, knocking him out of bed. He was pissed off and it didn't help his disposition either. "Damn alarm clock! Waking me up on a Saturday; fat ass is in all probability still in his bed!" He growled. After he had smashed the accursed contrivance, he crawled back into bed and lay down. Prior to going back to sleep, his mother; Shelia, yelled from behind the door. "Kyle, sweetie! Time to get up, it's already past nine AM!" He hissed and jumped up. "Goddamn it!" He screamed. "Oh, and choir practice is in a little while! Dress promptly!" She reminded him. It dawned on him that his practice was vital for the town, given that it was nearly the Fourth of July. "Goddamn it!!" He screeched in frustration once again…

Next, we have Stanley "Stan" Marsh, the referee for the majority of the fights among them. His unexciting, midnight-black locks peeked out from beneath the navy bedspread. His sister, otherwise branded as 'the bitch'; silently sneaked into the room with a mug of water snickering. Shelley counted to three and shrieked (or at least tried to). "FIRE!!" Stan jolted up, so rapidly that he nearly gave himself whiplash. Shelley seized this moment in time and swiftly dowsed him with ice water; afterward she tore the window open. The piercing wind of the Colorado Mountains froze him into a human ice cube…literally. (A/N: Just roll with it, I'm sure it's that cold, but not likely to freeze someone into an ice cube!) "Ha! Ha! TURD!!!" She cackled cruelly. Stan sighed and waited for the ice surrounding him to thaw.

Finally, we have Eric Cartman; the asshole and Kenny McCormick (A.K.A.: Satan's Plaything). The previous night; Cartman's residence was vandalized; as a result, his 'mother' asked to reside with Kenny's relatives. Guess how Cartman reacted? The answer involves a damaged kitchen, a deceased dog murdered via a lawnmower, and a rifle that nearly wandered into his control. They, meaning Cartman and Kenny; had to share a besmirched sleeping bag. Cartman slept on the left side spread-eagle, and it didn't help that his rolls of fat were rolling around. Kenny tried to disregard the corpulent boy that was causing his hearing-loss. Unexpectedly his arm felt warm and drenched; he dreaded glancing back, just knowing that he wouldn't be fond of it. He craned his neck in the direction of the fat boy, and to his horror; His arm was engulfed within the cavern that was Cartman's jaws. Kenny froze in shock; the fat rolled yet again and Cartman muttered "Hmm…Cherry Pops©!" That sentence broke Kenny out of his shock; he took in a gulp of air…and screamed. Cartman jarred awake and noticed the circumstances they were in; immediately, regurgitating the repulsive appendage. Joining Kenny, he started screaming as well.

Stan; who was waiting at the bus stop, noticed his friend Kyle approaching. "Achoo!" He sneezed (He had a cold, too). He noticed Kyle's face was red and he was mumbling curses. "Dude, what's up? Something wrong?" Stan asked sleepily. He wasn't truly concerned at this moment and wanted to crawl back into bed. Kyle's rage boiled over; his fuse was lit. "WHAT DO YOU THINK?! I GET WOKEN UP BY MY DAMN CLOCK; MY MOM BITCHES AT ME TO GET UP, AND I HAVE FUCKING CHOIR PRACTICE TODAY!!! YOU WANNA KNOW ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S WRONG?!" Kyle roared in Stan's face. Stan, by now had backed up and was making a warding gesture. Kyle was heaving and growling under his breath. Across the street, Kenny was quarreling with Cartman regarding earlier. "I said I was sorry, wat do ya waunt from meh?!" Cartman retorted. Kenny muffled a response. "Wat teh-I toald ya po' boy; I can't help wat I dream, goddamn it!" He spat. Kyle; who had listened to the entire dispute, grew irate yet again and took out his frustrations on them. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO ARGUING ABOUT NOW?!" He screeched in their faces. Kenny closed his eyes in hope that he would be spared the impending beating. Cartman smirked and leaned towards Kyle. "Wat, ya hahve some sand in yo vagina, Kyle?" He snickered. Before Kyle could whip his sorry ass, Butters came up to them. "H-hey fellas! I-I got this n-new s-s-spider, and named h-him C-chauncey." Butters declared cheerfully. They scratched their heads, obviously wondering how this piece of information applies to anything. The group of boys nodded; acknowledging him as he skipped off on his merry way. Stranger things have happened, thus they didn't think a great deal of it. That was extremely unintelligent of them, because it was an indication forewarning them of the catastrophe to come…

Author's Note

Sorry, if I offended Butters lovers! He's sweet, but creepy at the same time….Don't worry about Kenny, I'm not going to kill him…He's too cute! Someone will die though. If you don't like it, then just wait for the poll on my page. "YES" or "NO" to continue the fic…By the way, it's gender-swapping; random age-change; and body-swapping. To warn you, you probably won't be able to keep up with the characters. Chef will be in this, he has to be…Please tell me about grammar mistakes, Cartman's accent, and etc. I really want to continue, but it's up to you all readers. I know that I skip around a lot so make sure to say so, I will fix them. No flames, because that not feedback if you hate it. I worked really hard, but I'm not good at grammar, or sentence structure so make sure to review. Love you all!


	2. Chapter 2

**South Park Switcheroo**

**Chapter 2**

As the bus pulled up, Kyle dropped Cartman in the snow and rubbed his hands. Cartman groaned from where he laid, bloodied and worn out. Stan was slightly freaked out because of the level of fury Kyle was presenting; whereas Kenny was just content with the fact he was living. Butters played with his spider; and ignored that everyone was up against the windows, shuddering. Cartman rolled over on his back and waddled up the steps onto the bus.

"Hey, fatass! I'm not finished with you yet!" Kyle shrieked toward the front of the bus.

"Dude, just stop." Stan urged in a soft tone of voice. 'I hope this calms him down' he thought.

"STAN!! WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!" Stan held his ears, and cringed. 'Okay, that didn't work' He sighed in defeat.

Cartman just huffed and sat in a vacant seat by the door. "Eric!" He heard his name being called. 'AW GAWD! Leave meh teh hell alone, ya fag!' He groaned into his hands. Before he could twist around and flip the little 'fag' off, Butters was already sitting beside him. Cartman growled into Butter's face; which didn't do anything to separate him from the seat.

"Pleaze leave meh alone, Butters!" Cartman roared at him.

"Eric…Where did you get those terrible bruises?" He asked, ignoring the threat entirely.

Cartman blinked; wondering what was wrong with the little nuisance. 'I threatened hem and it didn't do anytang!' He thought. Butters watched Cartman bang his head into the bus seat in front of them, questioning as to why he was hurting himself.

Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan were quarrelling in the back row. Kenny disregarded them in favor of Bebe, and her whorish tendencies. Given that the two unofficial 'super best friends' scarcely ever fought this viciously; they commandeered everyone's attention.

"Forget about him, Kyle! He's just acting like he always does!" Stan yelled in Kyle's face.

"FORGET ABOUT HIM?! HE ALWAYS STARTS SOMETHING, NOT ME!" Kyle retorted menacingly.

Stan was getting louder and more enraged with each sentence. "KYLE, SHUT UP!" Everyone gasped and the entire bus became deathly silent; even Cartman had stopped thumping his head against the seat. "Stan?" Kyle squeaked in a minuscule voice. "NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME!" He seized Kyle up by his shirt collar. "I'M SO GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT WITH CARTMAN! YOU TWO ARE SO STUBBORN; IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! I'm. Through. Being. The .Referee." He screamed into Kyle's face. "You can either kill each other or work it out; BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Fuck. You. Both." He growled in his face; Stan's eyes were black; sinister; and aggressive. No one dared utter a thing; not even Wendy. Stan dropped Kyle and moved toward the window. He sighed and glared at the objects passing by outside. Kenny sat there clutching onto Bebe for dear life; but Kyle was frozen in shock.

Just like that, everyone felt the tension melt away and the temperature increase. Kenny let go of Bebe and overlooked what had happened; while the rest of the students followed suit. Cartman went back to beating himself up, but Kyle didn't budge.

'What was THAT?!' Kyle contemplated after he was able to get his thought process running again.

"Stan?" He uttered in a low whisper. He saw him tense and glance toward Kyle, Stan's face was sinister once again. Kyle backed up until he hit the other window. "Leave. Me. ALONE." He emphasized each word with a menacing tone and twisted back toward the window. Kenny grabbed Kyle and shook his head 'no'. "Kyle…Let Stan think for a while. Alone. Okay?" Kenny hinted to the outburst a moment ago. Kyle shuddered and nodded; he pulled his knees up and laid his chin on them. The rest of the bus ride to school was silent; but one question buzzed around in everyone's minds: 'what in the hell prompted Stan to lash out like THAT?!' That was another sign of the catastrophe to come, also….If they only knew what was going on….

**Author's Note**

Sorry if this is kinda short; I tend to rush into fics and I really wanna keep drama in this fic as well. Anyone who likes Bebe; please don't take this seriously! I do like her; she's awesome! Again, please tell me if I have something wrong; I wanna make this perfect!! I'm so proud of myself! I actually finished another chapter! Yes!!! I always wondered if Stan would ever snap one day and go ballistic; so I went ahead and decided that would be SO OOC! This is why all the characters will NOT act like they usually do. I took one of the reviewers' advice and changed the paragraph structure. I want feedback, people! Did I do it right???? Anyway, please read and review; or I can't update! It makes me sad with no reviews….See ya next time!! ~Keiko-chan 3


	3. Chapter 3

**South Park Switcheroo**

**Chapter 3**

***This chapter is dedicated to ~Emerald-X-Isle. I love that girl! 3 This chap is mostly for laughs since I can't figure out how to dramatize it…^^;**

Ms. Crabtree was pleased with the silence after 'the incident'; she loved it so much that she actually smiled. Everyone knew this was going to be a bizarre day. Cartman knocked himself out sometime during the bus ride, so Butters took it upon himself to carry him to the nurse. He tried, but did not succeed as poor Butters was flattened under Cartman's enormous weight.

"Oh h-hamburgers…" Butters groaned underneath Cartman.

The other students rolled their eyes at his misfortune and went on with their business. Stan growled and pushed past everybody on his way to the classroom. Kyle was at a loss at what to do; Kenny stopped him from doing anything.

"Dude, let's leave Stan alone for the day." Kenny breathed.

"No! I can't leave him alone; I gotta find out what's wrong!" He shrieked.

Kenny grabbed him before he could leave and spun him around. "Damn it Kyle! If you get anywhere near Stan; he'll kill you!" Kenny spat frustrated. Kyle sighed in defeat; Kenny hesitated and let his hands drop. Kyle craned his neck and watched Stan enter the school. Kenny grabbed his hand and led him inside with the rest of the students.

"H-hello? A-a-anybody there to h-h-help me? P-please?" Butters pleaded unheard. He was left still crushed under Cartman…

Meanwhile inside the classroom, Mr. Garrison was talking about something unrelated to education. "…And Mr. Krabs obviously never would be happy living there in Bikini Bottom." He said confidently. (A/N: Yes, he's talking about Spongebob. XD) No one was listening anyway…

"Bebe, do you think Stan is mad at me for something?" Wendy whispered worriedly. Bebe stared at her incredulously (with a 'WTF' face'). Wendy sighed and face-palmed into the desk. Around this time, Cartman waddled in with Butters following him. Butters complained all the way to his seat about his currently broken arm, while Cartman landed on the seat next to Kenny; making it groan in response to his weight.

"Hey, fatass! Have a good time at the nurse?" Kyle asked sarcastically. Cartman growled and ignored the Jew beside him. Kyle poked at him and repeated the question. "Shat teh fuck up, jew!" Cartman whispered heatedly. Kenny groaned and rubbed his eyes in irritation. 'Why must they fight? Can't they just get along?' He thought exasperated.

"Asshole!" Kyle spat back.

"Kosher bitch!" Cartman bellowed.

"IDIOTIC MAMA'S BOY!" Kyle roared; getting louder.

"LITTLE PUSSY!" Cartman yelled into his face.

"YOU TWO GO TO DETENTION NOW!" Mr. Garrison – I mean Mr. Hat shrieked. "DAMNIT!" They screamed in unison. On the way out of the room, they kept spitting insults at each other. Kenny just hid his face in his hands and groaned. 'Fucking idiots!' He thought angrily. The door slammed hard shaking the desks. "AND DON'T SLAM MY DOOR, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!" He sighed and went back to insulting Oprah.

At Mr. Mackey's office, Kyle and Cartman were arguing again. "Alright, let's stop this fighting, m'kay? It's not worth it! M'kay?" He scolded (?). Just like that, they stopped and looked at Mr. Mackey. "Not worth it? Of course it is!" Kyle replied. "No, I meant it's not worth losing my hearing, m'kay?" He yelled at them. They stared at him blankly.

"Okay…" They said in unison.

"Can you two boys tell me what's wrong this time, m'kay?" He laced his fingers together and stared at them with a serious expression.

"Um, Kahl stahted it!" Cartman quickly stated.

"WHAT? No, I didn't! I just-" Kyle was cut off by Cartman's whining.

"Yah ya did! Yah asked if ah had a good time aht the nurse!" Cartman pointed his finger in Kyle's face.

Mr. Mackey sat back quickly in shock, because obviously Kyle never starts the fights. If you didn't know that was sarcasm. "Kyle, you started the fight, m'kay? You poked at Eric and made him mad, so it's your fault. M'kay?" He said calmly. "But-I didn't-!" Kyle sighed in defeat. 'Damn fatass.' He thought annoyed. "M'kay, if you apologize then I won't give you detention." Mr. Mackey stated. Kyle started to protest, but the look on Mr. Mackey's face said he shouldn't even try. Kyle glanced at Cartman; who smirked and leaned forward. He had to fight the urge to punch his face outta the way. "Cartman, I'm-" Kyle stopped and sucked his teeth. 'Oh god, I really don't wanna do this.' Kyle thought heatedly.

"Yes, Kahl~?" He sang.

"I'm…Sorry, Cartman." Kyle breathed slowly.

"Why, thank ya Kahl~!" Cartman smiled evilly.

Mr. Mackey beamed at Kyle. "Alright, Kyle. You can go back to class, m'kay." He said happily. 'Now, I don't have to listen to their incessant arguing.' He thought contentedly. Both boys slowly left the room, and walked down the hall. "Wehl, Kahl. Ah'm glahd yu said sorrey!" Cartman said skipping down the hall. Kyle grabbed Cartman's jacket forcefully and got ready to punch him. "KAHL, NO!" Cartman shrieked terrified. Suddenly, Kyle felt different, not 'bad' different though. His eyes glazed over and a bright lovey-dovey smile appeared on his face, needless to say Cartman was scared shitless. (A/N: XD)

"Eric~, can we go on another date tonight?" Kyle blushed and giggled.

"THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Cartman screamed shrilly.

"Oh, Eric don't be silly! Come on num-nums!" Kyle glomped Cartman and tried to kiss him.

Before Kyle knew it, Cartman was already half-way down the hall; screaming bloody murder…Kyle huffed and ran after him; yelling. Kenny was walking by; going toward the bathroom and had to double-take the scene in front of him. "Eric! Don't play hard-to-get!" Kyle laughed playfully; while Cartman was still shitting bricks. Kenny didn't know if this was real or if he ate some bad garbage, but the incident with Stan could explain something about this…

"I gotta figure out what the hell is going on…!" Kenny muttered and ran toward the exit of the school.

**Author's Note**

Well, Kenny is aware of the problem now…But will I let him know more about it? XD I love this chappie! By the way, the 'love' Kyle is expressing is overly loving; so I'm making fun of Kyman! Don't worry this won't turn into lemon or even limes! ;) Damn, this was four pages in Word; where did it all go? The rating is for the language and what's usually in one of the series episodes…Oh and please review…Sorry this is so late! I don't know exactly when I will update next! I love this fic; it's going to be finished I promise! If I don't I give my readers permission to slap me upside the head...Remember it's supposed to be OOC! Next is either Kenny or Butters, and I'm leaning towards Butters because Kenny is like the investigator right now…So please tell me in your review! What other characters in the series should I mess with? :) Bye! ~Keiko-chan 3


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